Mermaids and Me

I always want to remember this moment. Floating in the pool. Feeling the dance of my breath in my body. And the water. Water is such a cleansing element. When I’m submerged in water, there is no pain and no past. Just now.

During my time here in Oaxaca, I’ve been realizing that I’m holding a lot of fears about my memoir coming out soon. Parts of me are scared that I’ll be judged for revealing just how sad and painful my childhood was. Other parts are scared of opening up old wounds. I know there’s a purpose in telling my story, but the fear is still there.

When I was a teenager living on the Caspian Sea, I’d sit by the water and dream of beautiful mermaids who’d swim up to shore and teach me how to deal with my difficulties. I eventually met those mermaids in real life — not in fish bodies, but in the bodies of real women who mentored and guided me. And now, floating in the water, I’m realizing that I’ve become one of them. I’ve become someone who can tell younger women that there’s a way and that they’re going to find it.

I have a lot of time on my hands, suddenly. In creating my own retreat here in Mexico, I’m realizing that self-care is not just about taking care of my body through dancing, yoga, and good food. It’s also about passing on my knowledge to others, just as that knowledge was passed on to me. So I’ve been opening myself up to questions on my IG stories, both in Persian and English, and having a lot of fun answering them!

I’ll deal with tomorrow tomorrow. For now, it feels good to know that, no matter what happened to me in the past, in this moment I’m safe. And I hope that, whoever you are reading this, whatever you’re going through, you will also find a way to feel safe, just for now, just for today.